To define the borders of my addiction I needed to find out my bottom-line behavior. In my case, acting out is basically showing more of my bottom behavior instead of my top, and particularly when people around me are hurt in the process.
So I took a piece of paper and I wrote down my fears (fear of having no control, fear of being a bad father etc.) my resentments and finally my bottom-line behavior, all the things that were negative, hurtful, both to myself and to others. Speaking to a sponsor about my bottom-line behavior was essential, since I could be very blind to the realities of my behavior and the effect it had on people surrounding me. This is all a part of the taking inventory
part of the program. After writing down all the behavior that I deemed bottom-line, I found out the gray areas of behavior that wasn't really all that bad but should be avoided, things that would get me in trouble if I didn't watch myself. While bottom-line might be yelling, being angry, controlling people, the gray areas might be to miss sleep a few nights in a row, eat too much fast food or not going to a meeting; generalities that make me feel bad overtime.
It was important for me to list as well all the behavior I deemed top-line. Stress-reducing, healthy and positive actions that I could pat myself on the back for. Things such as doing yoga
, getting exercise and keeping healthy. Here's a list of good stress-reducing behavior.
