So first off...

I guess it's proper that I explain a bit my life as it is today. I find it only fair that you, dear reader, get to know a little about my personal situation, and besides, I do enjoy speaking (and writing) about myself.

I am currently in a relationship with Dahlia. We have been seeing each other for about six months now, although we did have a brief relationship about a year and a half ago. The previous relationship ended with her being pregnant and me not being able to deal with it, and nine months later our son was born.

When he was born she fully let me back into her life, and as we started the momentous journey of parenthood together old feelings as well as new ones began to stir and it didn't take us a long time to fall back in love with each other, head over heels with the proper romance and butterflies.
With one very major condition though. I would never treat her badly again.

My previous behavior had been, to say the least, very extremely horrendously unfair and emotionally abusive. I was controlling in many different aspects, worst of which was my pushing her to have an abortion and consequently leaving her when she didn't. I readily confess it because it is a very big part of the self-improvement process to present a list of the people I hurt, and Dahlia was one of the big ones.

Needless to say, I felt that this condition was fair. I hated myself for the way I treated her and wanted nothing more than to be again a part of her and our son's life. Little did I realize that this behavior was a symptom of my sickness. I was addicted to the conflict, the control, the companionship, to her. Just like I had been addicted to numerous other people.

I struggle every day to be the man I want and need to be. The road to completing that elusive task is long and hard, and I'll never achieve perfection. My current goal is much more attainable: simply to be able to go through each day without lashing out, without hurting the ones I love. If I can do that, there is hope for me yet.