Intro

Just about six years ago I started dating. This makes me relatively young, I realize, but these past six years have taught me more about me and myself than most other people that I know. For some it took them their entire lives what I learned in a few months. But then again, not all people are afflicted with what I deal with every day.

I‘m not sure why it happened this way, perhaps because I was moving so fast. I wanted everything right away, a few days after I met Lily (my first girlfriend) I was in love with her and a few months after that I wanted to move in with her and a few more months later I was getting ready to have kids and get married.
Every time I met someone new I saw myself growing old with that person, and living forever with them.

It wasn’t until earlier this year that I finally figured it out. It happened after yet another break-up. I remember sitting at a café smoking cigarette after cigarette, pondering in melancholia why on earth I felt so much pain after every single relationship that ended, why I was on the verge of wanting to kill myself because of another human being that had entered and exited my life in just a few months.

I remember thinking to myself: it’s almost the same as my friend Ted’s drinking problem, the same sort of inability to control oneself and one’s urges, the same sort of dependency. Then I thought: well I do know there are sex-addicts out there. There must be love addicts as well.
I Googled it and found that there were indeed!

That’s when I joined the Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous program. Every day from that day I’ve been dealing with it, step by step, taking inventory of my life, reaching my higher power. It’s very similar to the world famous AA-program, but deals with matters much more subtle than just “the drink”: co-dependency, control, respect, expectations, worship of other individuals, but above all else, fear and resentment.

Every day is difficult, every day is a struggle. Almost every day I act out in some way and often I am ashamed of what I did or said. But I’d like to share it with you, and then perhaps you can also benefit and learn from my mistakes, and how I've dealt with them...